I love to read. If I could have a library as big as The Library of Congress, I would. It would be filled from floor to ceiling, end table to dust corner with all different types of books. I find it easy to read non-fiction but fiction categories that are filled with hope, joy, and mystery are my favorite. My dilemma is that I often “don’t have time”. I have gone back and forth to deciding whether or not audible would be best for me. I LOVE the feel of the pages, the tangibility of having it in my lap, and being able to under-line, highlight and make notes of things I want to refer back to. I was afraid I would miss that. With most of life’s small (big) decisions, I consulted the bestie. She loves the app, made a couple notes to me about it and of course, with the free trial and low monthly subscription, I could try it out.
I haven’t been able to shut it off. Honestly. I drive for my job, a lot. The second I get in the car, the play button is seconds away, car is in drive and my book and I are traveling away. What I have found is that I pay more attention to what I am doing and the calm I experience while driving, is almost scary. Who knew, I would be less aggressive and learn so much in my travels. Thanks to the bestie for saving the day again. I love to write. I have random note books that have notes, poems, life experiences fumbled through the pages of almost all of them. When I was starting college, I wanted to be an English major and I was dreaming of standing in a college classroom teaching everyone in the world about writing. Since that never happened, I recently found a yearning to sit back in the classroom to learn. I still have yet to accomplish that but that is on the bucket list for this winter. Stay tuned, dear friends. I love being organized. I love for all of my “stuff” to have a home. My bestie, Addie just went through her house and purged a million (not, really, but maybe) things that she isn’t using. Every year before Daniella starts school and before Christmas, I purge her room. I throw out all the random junk, sort her clothes and at the end she is left with a completely organized room. Same thing this year, only something happened. I kept going. What started in her room, spilled into the dining area and the kitchen. I found myself saying to myself, “Kallai, you have not seen or used that in probably 2 years.” Or “Kallai, you have never used that and you haven’t found a use for it yet.” So out it went. 9 trash bags later, I felt relieved but I also felt like I could do it again. It won’t be today, but I feel another purge coming on. My purge high was just like the one I get from shopping. Double-edged sword. The difference this time? I didn’t find myself craving to go out and fill the empty spaces with more random things. Instead, I found myself on my shopping escapades that followed wondering if I would still love what I wanted that day, five years from now. If not, back on the shelf it went and I was content. With everything I have been loving recently, it has kept my mind busy. I have found that if I go back to the things that I love, it takes the pain that lingers in my mind from the events of this past year and reframes them as what they were and what they are. The things I love have not fallen to the wayside and have not left my mind searching for the sadness but only to be content with what I am and where I want to go. Life is an amazing journey. Finding me again has been just that, a journey. The difference is that I have my closest friends, future husband, family and daughter to share them with. Love is easy. Loving yourself is even easier when you know what makes you happy. If it makes you happy, do that.
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July 2019
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